Poor Bots Meet Sick Sam
by Robin Grimm-Goodfellow
Summary: Bee leaves his precious charge, and the precious charge gets sick. Simple, right? Not when Sam getting sick means multiple types of illnesses, and  OF COURSE  a meeting with the Cons.


Hey! I just thought of this…if anyone else has an idea like this then good for you, and if you think that I stole your idea, well, I'm sorry. But I didn't…on purpose. By the way, this is a one-shot and I don't own Transformers

Sam's POV.

Ugh. I hate being sick. "Are you sure you don't want anything, sweetie?" I picked up a megaphone that I had lying in my room for this sole reason. I hoarsely yelled into the megaphone, "No, mother, I do not want anything. Just leave me alone to suffer miserably!" Her voice drifted up the stairs, "Well, I called Mikayla and told her you were sick." "NOO!" I shouted into the megaphone, leaving a screechy sound. "You had to have known that she would bring Ratchet. You had to!" She called up the stairs again, "Well, I'm leaving now and if you need anything just call me, okay?" I didn't answer but she knew what I meant. I snuggled down into the covers on my chair next to my desk and sighed.

Why did I have to choose to-fucking-day to get sick? And it isn't even my fault. There is something wrong with my defense system, so if anyone within a mile radius of me has a sore throat, I get mono the next day. The past year has been wonderfully sickness-free, but every time Bumblebee leaves for a week, I get sick. He's been living with us for three years now and I haven't gotten sick once when he was here, not even the snuffles. "Sam! Are you in there?" Mikayla was knocking at the door, a familiar green-and-yellow rescue hummer sitting in my driveway.

I found a scrap sheet of notebook paper, wrote a quick 'go away' on it, tied a little sinker to the end of a line and stuck the line through a hole in the notebook paper. I tossed the lure out the window, keeping a hold on the string. The lure danced in front of Mikayla's face, and she read the note. "No, Sam, I will not go away." She called up to me. I reeled in the line and wrote a new message on it. 'Please?' When she read that she chuckled. "No, Sam, I will not go away…even if you do say please." I sighed and pulled the line back up, tied a basket to the bottom, put my house key in it, and tossed that out for her. "Thank you!" I looked at her. 'Frag you,' I thought, not wanting to waste the energy to say it.

She came up to my room, followed by Ratchet's holoform, and I glared at her. "You couldn't just have stayed away? Or downstairs, even?" She shook her head no. "Well, don't kiss me or anything because I have mono. Again. And the chicken pox…again." Mikayla took a healthy step back. Ratchet looked closer at me and then picked me up. "Ratchet! Put me down!" I was yelling as loud as I could, but it still wasn't very loud. "You need medical attention." Came the calm reply. "I do have medical attention…my own! Ratchet, please, I really don't like going anywhere when I'm sick. Which is pretty much all the time." Ratchet frowned. "But you have not been ill since I have known you." I shook my finger at him. "I have not been ill when Bumblebee was here. If I go out without him there, there is a 75% chance that I will get sick. Why do you think I only stay at NEST or home when I don't have him around?" He frowned and set me in the backseat. "I thought it was because you did not have a 'ride' to get around in."

I shook my head, "No, I just didn't want to get sick." I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew there was a loud voice booming in my ear, "Can you hear me!" I punched the thing in the face with all of my might. I cracked open an eye and saw Will lying on the floor laughing his ass off. In front of me was Ironhide's holoform, looking like he was just told that he was a femme. "Don't fuck with me when I feel like shit. That, by the way, was just a little of a hand book that I had in my backpack sitting at the foot of my bed. The book was called, _How to deal with Sam Witwicky when you really don't want to, by All whom have messed with a sick Sam Witwicky_. I'll see if I can find an extra copy to keep here."

I closed my eye again and tried to go back to sleep, but was interrupted by a deep, rumbling laugh. "Well, well, Ironhide. Finally bested." I sighed and sat up straight, my arm covered in red dots and my throat swollen. "Yeah. I punched him in the face. Can Ratchet just try and heal me already? And someone, please go get me some sliced apples. Mikayla, could you get the backpack at the foot of my bed if you already didn't get it?" Will nodded and ran off. That's cool, Major Lennox waiting on me. Mikayla handed me my pack. I nodded at her thankfully and Ratchet said, "Bumblebee said that if we were to take you anywhere, we were to take your backpack that was at the foot of your bed." I nodded.

"Thank Primus for Bee." I opened my bag and took two bottles of pills and a bottle of water out of my bag. I also reached in and found an old, worn out copy of _How to deal with Sam Witwicky when you really don't want to_ and chucked it at Ironhide's holo. "Read that." I opened both bottles and took out a few pills of each. "Just Motrin and something to help the swelling go down, Ratch." I quickly swallowed the pills and convulsed. "Eugh, I hate taking stuff with mono." It burned my throat because it was so swollen. I reached for the apples Will handed to me and picked up my bag and started walking to the rec room. It had a nice, long couch. Ratch started to move, but Hide stopped him. "Rule twenty four; don't mess with Sam when he's on a mission." I grinned, I love that rule.

Eventually I plopped on the couch. Then some soldiers came in. "Hey, it's the Bot's kid!" I glared at them sleepily. "The Bot's kid is going to fucking shoot you if you don't stop calling me the Bot's kid." Hide came in then, in his holo. "Rule thirty six; don't call Sam Bot's kid." I looked up, we got to thirty six? I muttered, "All you really have to do is don't piss me off, that should be simple. And get me whatever I happen to be craving." I closed my eyes and grabbed an apple slice. I bit the slice and started to suck the juice out of it. When that one was dry, I got another one. I didn't actually eat the apple, but I will in a minute. Someone whispered in the quiet room, "Should we just get him some apple juice?" I moaned, "No, I hate apple juice. I realize that I am drinking apple juice, but I'm gonna eat the apples too." He shut up. I eventually fell asleep.

Hey, if I'm wrong, just tell me in your review. I really don't care

I woke up to screaming. I reached into my backpack for my megaphone. "EVERYONE, SHUT THE FRAGGING SLAG UP!" That stopped them. I opened my eyes to a scene of disaster. "What. Happened." I was in the middle of a war zone. The twins were in front of me. I glared at them and they ran away. I looked around me more carefully. I just looked like I was in an empty room that someone filled with broken furniture. I looked to my right and there was a stereo. I frowned and reached for my bag, my jeans and tee-shirt scratching against my skin.

I pulled out my cell and called Kayla. "Sam, where are you!" I grinned and replied hoarsely. "I don't know. The minor twins were in front of me, but they ran away. I'm guessing you left thinking that they would watch me?" She chuckled softly. "Pretty much." I rolled my eyes. "Well, I'm gonna try and figure out where I am." I walked outside and saw a sign. "Hey, Kayla? I think I'm in Atlanta." She inhaled sharply. "Like Georgia?" I coughed a laugh. "Yeah. Like Georgia. Bout…ten miles south, I think." I heard booming foot-steps behind me and saw a huge figure. "Hey, Kayla? I'm gonna have to get back to you."

I hung up and looked at the figure in front of me. It looked like…"Barricade?" He looked at me. "Sam?" I nodded and sat down, the heat getting to me. "Are you ill?" I looked at him. "You know, this is the first time a Cybertronian asked me if I was ill, and I actually was ill. What are you doing here?" He rolled his optics. "I am the one with the guns, fleshy. You're coming with me." The sun glinted off his hand as he reached for me. I screamed "Wait!" and my voice cracked, I coughed for a few seconds and his hand stopped moving. "Have you been out here long, Barricade?" He nodded. I cursed. "Well, how far away are you taking me?" He shrugged. "Too far for you to walk." I cursed again. "Why are you cursing, fleshy?" I rolled my eyes. "You do realize that you are made of metal, right?" He nodded, "And that metal gets hot in the sun, right?" Again, he nodded. "Well, hot metal burns fleshies, and if I'm burned you can't do anything to me."

He grinned. "Well, I guess you're just going to get burned, then." I raised an eyebrow. "Who said anything about getting burned. You just start walking; I'll keep up…as best I can." He started walking, and I followed him at my shuffling pace. I winced as my collar scratched my throat. I trekked for nearly an hour before Barricade stopped. He phased, and I looked at the cop car conspicuously. I shrugged and got in. I leaned back the passenger seat and grinned. "I call shotgun!" I muttered to myself, chuckling hoarsely as I fell asleep on the cool leather seats.

I felt my back sticking to the seat as Barricade's rough voice called to me, Starscream's screeching clearly heard. I moaned and grumbled as I started to get up, "Will anyone just talk softer? I know that you can hear my fucking heart-beat your hearing's so good, so you have no reason that you're busting my eardrums other than you like to painfully hurt me when I'm annoyingly sick." Barricade chuckled as he prodded me in the back. "Hey, hey! Easy with the sick fleshy, we're very breakable, sick ones even more so!" Barricade phased back into his 'walking' mode, and I looked at him. "Damn, you're tall." I blinked. "Frag." I looked in my backpack and plopped on the ground. "Slag, slag, slag, slag!" I muttered, searching for my meds. "Frag it! How can I not find any of that shit?" I continued searching franticly, knowing that in a few minutes I wouldn't be able to pay attention to anything. "Damn it!"

I tried one more time, looking through all of my pockets and suddenly remembered where I left it...on my desk. "Aww, slag. Well, Barricade, Starscream, anyone else who wants to kill me, I forgot some of my meds at home…so that means that in about five minutes I will be incredibly more jacked up. I'll basically just say a lot of stuff that doesn't make sense. So, if you don't mind, please don't try to kill me because I say something stupid, okay?" I didn't wait for an answer, I just looked through my bag one more time. Really, it's just like I'm sugar-hi. Which scarred Bumblebee. Literally. I snorted as I remembered that, and then I looked at my phone again. I texted Kayla. 'Hey. im with cons. dont worry, im suga hi. they should b givin me back in few hrs. lve, sam.' I shut my phone off and stuck it in my bag. Somewhere, somehow, I knew that Kayla would be laughing her ass off at what I'd do to the Cons.

I fell into a slight trance and started singing under my breath. "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves…" and I just continued, repeating the one line over and over. A few minutes into it, and Barricade twitched. "Stop that, fleshy." I pouted but did as he asked. "You're a party pooper." Barricade opened his mouth to answer, and I shook my head and stuck my fingers in my ears. "Na-na-na, I'm not listening!" I didn't hear what he tried to say, or what he did say, but I felt him pick me up and then deposit me on a table. My eyes glazed and I let go completely.

Will POV.

I was sitting with Hide, waiting for Prime to come back and see where Sam was. We got his cell signal from Georgia, but his text came from Maine. We were trying to see if someone took his phone, but we had no way of tracing where he was, other than that one little text. Prime came in, and I looked at him. "Do you know where he is?" Prime shook his head. Suddenly, an image came crackling up on the huge screen next to me.

"Prime, please! Take him back! _PLEASE_! We'd do anything! Just, _take the fleshy_!" Barricade's panicked face came up on the screen, a - literally - chirping Sam in the background. "You can have your energon, just _take the boy_! Take Sam back! Please!" Prime grinned. "Alright…_if_ you swear to a truce, every single time that Sam is ill, or if he feels like it." Starscream's panicked voice was heard, "What are you doing! Just give them the fleshy! Don't try and work out a truce!" "We accept your agreement. Please, where is the boy's guardian?"

I said, "Prime, shouldn't he be stalking out the Con's place?" He nodded, "He should." Sam called out happily, "There's a Bee in the window!" Barricade walked out of sight, and dragged Bee back into view. "What's wrong with Sam?" He called out loudly, vents whirring. "Calm down, nothing's wrong with him." I raised an eyebrow at Hide. "Really, he has mono, he has the chicken pox, he's pretty much sugar high, _and_ he's stuck with the Cons. Is that really nothing?"

"Rule thirty five, don't _ever_ tell Bumblebee that anything's wrong with Sam. Refer to rule thirty three. Rule thirty three, Don't tell Ratchet that anything's wrong with Sam. Refer to rule thirty four. Rule thirty four, don't tell the twins that anything's wrong with Sam. Refer to rule sixteen. Rule sixteen, don't_ ever _tell Judy that anything's wrong with Sam. Refer to rule thirty seven. Rule thirty seven, don't tell any of the Bots or Witwickys if anything is wrong with Sam. Refer to rule twenty eight. Rule twenty eight, don't tell Mikayla if anything is wrong with Sam." I nodded, "He's really got everything in there, doesn't he?"

Hide smirked, "Rule one, don't underestimate the shit you have to put up with if Sam's sick." I nodded, and glanced at Bee. He was crouched over Sam, scanning him for anything that might be off. "Barricade, what has he said since you got him?" "Many things, such as popcorn flavored jelly tastes like pineapple." Bee muttered crossly, "I meant when he was thinking right and could speak intelligently." Sam frowned, "I am too talking smartically!" Bee's holo patted him on the head. "Of course you are." "He said something about forgetting some medication of his at home."

Mikayla looked at Ratchet, "That wouldn't happen to be the bottle you told me to pick up, would it?" Ratch shook his head, "No, that was a mix of morphine and something to make him think straight." "Well, if it was to make him think straight, then wouldn't it make sense it was like he's sugar hi?" I asked him, and Ratchet nodded. "Alright Bee, I think I know what will help Sam. You just need to get him here." Bee nodded. Sam grinned. "Alright! My head is fucking killing me!" I looked at him, "He's normal!" Sam shook his head. "No. I'm trying very fucking hard not to burst out singing, 'I got a pocket, got a pocket full of sun shine' right now. But, damn, that was _hilarious_ when Cade tried to tell me to run from Ravage."

I snorted, "That's sounds funny." Sam nodded, "Yeah, he was all, 'Hey, fleshy, get off the cat,' and I was all, 'Hell no, robot dude!' and ravage was all, 'meow, meow'. Sorry if I'm getting, well, sugar hi. I take a lot of coffee, because it makes me tired for some reason, but then I get _really_ sugar hi, so I take the meds, pains meds and thinking meds, so I act somewhat normal. And, I'm itchy." Mikayla grinned tiredly, "Well, the good news is that if Bee ever leaves again, we get a truce with the Cons." Bee had Sam and was leaving and Sam blinked and looked back at the screen, "Why do bubblegum penguins taste like cranberries?" I started chuckling, that was too funny.

"I don't know Sam, I don't know."

Epilogue

Well, Sam made it home alright, and everyone was ecstatic, _especially_ the Decpticons. Just can't wait until Bee leaves again…I'm thinking of making him spend the week in the hospital…near the Con's, of course…just so that they could check up on their favorite sick fleshling while they're there.

Haha, sounds like fun.

Anyway…Major Lennox out.

Robin Grimm-Goodfellow


End file.
